Update 1.28 — To compete or to care?

In the previous update (1.27), I added:
— the word (or infinitive verb) “to have” to the definition of Extraversion,
— and the word “to be” to the definition of Introversion.

“To have” and “to be” I took from Erich Fromm’s book “To Have or To Be?”. Erich Fromm also called these concepts:
— the “mode of having”, and
— the “mode of being”.

After adding “to have and “to be” modes to the definitions of Extraversion and Introversion, they look as follows:

to have—object, case—risk and opportunity—
—EXTRAVERSION

to be—subject, relation—protection and promotion—
—INTROVERSION

“To have” and “to be” modes are meaningful and deep. At the same time, they are also understandable and straightforward. So, they have many advantages. I think that thanks to “having and being modes”, the definitions of Extraversion and Introversion have gained a lot.

Later, once I thought about this that thanks to "having and being modes", the definitions of Extraversion and Introversion gained a lot. And then came to my mind one idea. It means, I thought that it would be worth to add some equally meaningful concepts to the definitions of Perceiving and Judging.

After one of the previous update (1.26), the definition of Perceiving and Judging look as follows:

process, act—planning and organization—
—JUDGING

action, movement—find and deal—
—PERCEIVING

I think that it is also worth recalling the diagram from the previous update (1.27) with the definitions of:

• Extraversion,
• Introversion,
• Perceiving, and
• Judging.

As we can see in the diagram above, the definitions of Perceiving and Judging (compared to definitions of Extraversion and Introversion) give the impression that they lack some concepts.

In that case, what could be short concepts describing Perceiving and Judging?

The idea of concepts describing Perceiving and Judging came to my mind when I came across the following illustration.

This illustration shows two social mentalities. These two social mentalities are:

• Competitive Social Mentality—that is a mentality, which is competing, rivalry, struggling, attempting, trying, etc.
• Caring Social Mentality—that is a mentality, which is caring, supporting, guarding, supervising, controlling, etc.

The author of the above illustration is Paul Gilbert. He is a professor working at the University of Derby in England. Paul Gilbert is one of the pioneers of research on self-compassion. Among others, he created a method of therapy called—Compassion Focus Therapy.

Recently, research on self-compassion is developing very much. A lot of research related to this area has been done. And more and more publications about this topic are published. So, all in all, we can look at self-compassion from the perspective of many specialists.

Personally, I also study this topic for some time, and I am more and more fascinated with it. If someone is interested in self-compassion, I can recommend among others:
— Paul Gilbert mentioned above,
— Kristin Neff,
— Christopher Germer.

These scientists are pioneers of self-compassion research. Their work is really worth recommending and studying. However, besides them, many other researches and enthusiasts develop this fascinating topic.

We can also learn self-compassion from Buddhist practices. Among others, we can learn about it from such great personalities as Dalajlama XIV, or Thích Nhất Hạnh.

As for a more scientific approach, so far, there are relatively little books about self-compassion in Polish. I hope that this will change soon. All the more so because I think that compassion-based therapies will be used more and more often.

Coming back to the above illustration, it shows one of the many inspiring ideas that we can find in Paul Gilbert’s books. It is, as I mentioned above, a distinction (or dilemma) between a Competitive and Caring Social Mentality.

I draw attention to this because I thought it might be useful for the Mandala of Characters. That is, it can complement the definitions of Perceiving and Judging.

Why do I think so?

In my opinion, the opposing social mentalities, (that is, Competitive and Caring Social Mentality) corresponds with Perceiving and Judging.

I think so, because of the regularity, which we can find in Paul Gilbert’s illustration above. It means, in this illustration, we can see that the same factors can influence both Competitive and Caring Social Mentality. These factors are:

• Attention
• Thinking, Reasoning,
• Behavior,
• Emotions,
• Motive,
• Imagery, Fantasy.

So, according to Paul Gilbert, two opposing social mentalities can be triggered by the same factors. This principle that the same factors trigger two opposite attitudes corresponds with the Mandala of Characters, where we have opposite functions and adaptive-defensive mechanisms.

It means the opposite pairs of basic functions are:

• Thinking and Feeling,
• Intuition and Sensation,

• Extraversion and Introversion,
• Perceiving and Judging.

(Basic functions and adaptive-defensive mechanisms I took to the Mandala of Characters from the Jung’s work and his continuators Katharine Cook Briggs and Isabel Briggs Myers).

As I mentioned above, I think that opposing social mentality (that is, Competitive and Caring Social Mentality) corresponds with one of the above pairs of adaptive-defensive mechanisms. It means it corresponds with two opposing mechanisms, which are Perceiving and Judging. So, these are mechanisms that I deal with in this update.

Then, I think Paul Gilbert’s social mentalities we can associate with Perceiving and Judging in the following way:

Competitive Social Mentality—is close to the mechanism of—Perceiving, and

Caring Social Mentality—is close to the mechanism of—Judging.

I think it will be more visible if I recall again the definitions of Perceiving and Judging, which I created in previous updates.

process, act—planning and organization—
—JUDGING

action, movement—find and deal—
—PERCEIVING

If we look at the first definition, that is, the definition of Judging, then, as I mentioned above, I am going to add to it the “Caring Social Mentality”.

Instead of the phrase “Caring Social Mentality” I decided to use only the verb—“to care”. (Being more specific, it is an infinitive, namely, infinitive verb). I did it because, in the previous update, I added the “to have” and “to be” modes, borrowed from Erich Fromm. “To have” and “to be” are infinitives. So, in this update, I will also use infinitives.

Thus, if we add the phrase “to care” to the definition of Judging, it will look as follows:

to care—process, act—planning and organization—
—JUDGING

As we can see, I added “to care” to the condensed definition of Judging. “To care” is representing—Caring Social Mentality. I think “to care” fits here. “To care” interacts and complements the other concepts that are included in the Judging definition. That is, “process, act—planning and organization”.

Therefore, concerning the above definition of Judging, we can say that “planning and organization” need our “care”. We should also give appropriate “care” to what we do.

Our “care” also requires some “process”, in which we are, or from which we depend on.

Great “care” requires some “act”. For example:
— the act of creation;
—an act, which is a performance or ceremony;
— with due care, we should prepare an act in the form of a document or application;
— particular care we should give to a legal act;
— etc.

With proper care, we should also judge others to judge others fairly. Because if we judge someone carelessly, then we can hurt someone. Often through unfair judging, we can also bring on ourselves someone’s anger or other severe consequences.

I also like the “caring” mentality because it is ambiguous. On the one hand, it means caring, which can be: support, nurture, attend, look after, etc., for someone or something, or for a matter or problem. On the other hand, caring means a feeling of anxiety caused by some difficult situations or some difficult challenges that we have to go through.

“Caring” also means that through caring, we can impose or force something on someone. For example, by thinking that:
— we are doing it for someone’s good;
— if our working methods and practices are good for us, then they should also be good for others;
— if any principles, laws, regulations are right in our opinion, others should also consider them right;
— etc.

On the one hand, such “care” may be good for others. But on the other hand, it may impose on others rules, methods, regulations, mentality, etc., which do not suit them at all. Or they may even make others unhappy and seriously harm them.

Therefore, the "caring" mentality has two sides. It can be both help and harm. "Caring" can be necessary for helping others, or it can limit their freedom. So, this "caring" mentality is therefore very vital.

In life, the outcome or consequences of what we do for others or what others do for us can be pleasant or unpleasant. We may like or dislike the results of our care towards others or others care toward us. The outcome of our caring can give someone happiness, or it can "make someone happy by force".

Serious help is often a serious intervention in someone’s life. Therefore, we need to provide serious help very carefully.

So, “caring”, (that is, “Caring Social Mentality) is a very complex and interesting concept. Therefore, I think “caring” will be very helpful in analyzing the types of characters.

If we go to the definition of Perceiving, I think that we can add to it the “Competitive Social Mentality”.

Analogically, to the above definition of Judging, I will shorten this phrase. That is, instead of “Competitive Social Mentality”, I will only use the infinitive “to compete”.

So, when we add infinitive “to compete” to the definition of Perceiving, it will look as follows:

to compete—action, movement—find and deal—
—PERCEIVING

As we can see, I added “to compete” (or “Competitive Social Mentality”) to the definition of Perceiving.

Why does “competitive social mentality” fits this definition?

I think the “to compete” harmonizes and complements the other concepts that we can find in this definition of Perceiving. That is, the concepts: “action, movement—find and deal”.

Therefore, “competing” we can often associate with some “action”. It is because we may believe that we must be better than others during some action. That we need to do something to be more cunning, smart, intelligent, cute, etc.

“Competing” may be associated with “movement”. Because “movement” may relate to:
— the “move” that must be made in a game or sports competition;
— the “movement” that is created for a purpose, area, or field, for example, a revolutionary movement or artistic, cultural, resistance … movement;
— etc.

“Competing” is also associated with “finding and dealing”, because we may believe that we need to be more vigilant to find and deal with something before anyone else. For example, find suddenly appearing opportunities and deal with them quickly.

The term “Perceiving”, in itself, we can also associate with the competition. Because it can involve competition. For example, who first perceives something, or who first something discovers, find out, see, understand, invent, improve, etc.

As with “caring”, the social mentality focused on “competing” can have its good and bad sides.

Generally speaking, if the competition is healthy and fair than it is positive and beneficial for us and for others. So, if the competition is not healthy and fair, it will have an adverse effect, and it will be painful for us or for others.

Surely, an example of a field of life where we deal with competition a lot is a sport. Sport has many advantages. For instance, sport can shape many positive habits in us. Thanks to this, it will be easier for s to deal with various problems in everyday life. For example, sport:
— helps in developing physical fitness;
— develops teamwork skills;
— help to initiate and develop new contacts between people;
— positively affects our mood and in general mental health;
— helps overcome our weaknesses;
— helps to control emotions and it strengthens physical resistance;
— thanks to it we can spend nice time with others;
— etc.

Similarly, a lot of advantages can have all kinds of games. For example, games like a board, card, arcade, strategic, computer, etc. Such games can develop our agility, hand-eye coordination, adopting and implementing some action strategies, logical thinking, etc. Generally speaking, games help us develop various skills and acquire various types of knowledge. Games also can be a pleasant way of spending time with others if these games require two or more players.

The "Competitive Social Mentality" besides advantages has disadvantages too. For example, it can be a gaming addiction. Then we can devote too much time to playing. If, however, our addiction becomes gambling, where we can play for money or other valuable things, then the problem is much more severe. Gambling is probably one of the worst addictions that can devastate our entire life. It means, it can lead us not only to financial ruin but also it can ruin our relationships and our personal and family life.

In everyday life, the “Competitive Social Mentality” can shape our relationships with ourselves and with the people around us. Examples of competing in life are, for example:
— better achievements in work or at school;
— an advantage in conversation;
— a better and healthier lifestyle;
— prettier figure or better look;
— better physical or intellectual fitness;
— being cunning or resourceful;
— being smarter or more intelligent;
— having a more exciting group of friends;
— better contacts and acquaintances;
— better cooking skills;
— better arguments to beat someone in the discussion;
— being a better driver of a car or other vehicle;
— etc.

We can also compete in the field of material things thanks to, for example;
— a more tasteful and fashionable way of dressing;
— a more prestigious and comfortable apartment;
— a unique home and garden;
— a distinctive type of car or vehicle;
— better kitchen and room equipment;
— an extraordinary collection of some valuable things or works of art;
— and many others.

Most of this competition is actually unnecessary for us, and we could live without it. On the other hand, competing can motivate and stimulate us a lot. Thanks to it:
— we can really have fun,
— we feel satisfied and fulfilled,
— we believe that we are great, amazing, cool, outstanding, exceptional …,
— etc.

Of course, the “Competitive Social Mentality” will be a source of satisfaction for us if we are better than others. Or at least we think that we are better than others. However, if others are better than us in an obvious and undeniable way, then “competing” will be a source of frustration for us. We may then feel not good enough, less valuable, and the worse.

But, if we somehow accept our failures, mistakes, and defeats. And somehow, after some time, we will pull ourselves together. Then failures can be valuable for us. So, "Competitive Social Mentality" can teach us how to lose. That is, teach us to accept our faults and motivate ourselves again and again. Thus, I think, here we can quote Friedrich Nietzsche — "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger".

Thus, the “Competitive Social Mentality” and failures, which usually come together with it, has two sides. On the one hand, it can motivate us and trigger our determination in our way of achieving our goals. But on the other hand, it can depress us, lead to stagnation, resignation, bitterness, etc. If a failure is severe or we have a series of different types of failures, then it can cause a mental breakdown in us.

So, I think, “Competitive and Caring Social Mentalities” will be a valuable complement to the definitions of Perceiving and Judging.

For me, personally significant is the fact that these mentalities can have both positive and negative sides. I will remind them briefly.

When it comes to the positive aspects of “Caring Social Mentality”, we can associate it with: compassion, mercy, gentleness, sympathy, tolerance, forgiveness, mutual understanding, leniency, etc.

On its negative side, excessive and inappropriate “care” can become, for example, autocracy, monopoly, imposing our view and values on others, excessive domination, etc. Besides, excessive “caring” can even lead to despotism, tyranny, or other forms of humiliation and bullying.

In turn, the positive side of “Competitive Social Mentality” is the so-called healthy or fair competition. Such healthy competition can give us a lot of satisfaction and many tangible benefits.

On the other hand, excessive and unfair competition can become, for example, over-exploitation, injustice, disrespect for social principles, unlawfulness, intolerance, discrimination, etc.

In addition to the above positives and negatives of the “Competitive and Caring Mentality”, they are very interesting if we combine them with the Mandala of Characters. Then, among others, we can say about these mentalities that:
— Thanks to competing or caring, we can experience both joy and sadness. That is, both of these mentalities trigger different mental states in us.
— Both competing and caring can be caused by the same factors. In other words, it depends on us whether we prefer the “competing” or “caring” mentality. Using the Mandala of Characters, we can say that id depends, among others, on our type of character and the mental state in which we are at the given moment.

The distinction between “competing” and “caring” introduced by Paul Gilbert it is very revealing and simple. In its form and simplicity, it is similar to the distinction between “to be” and “to have”, by Erich Fromm. (I wrote about the division between “to have” and “to be” in update 1.27).

Let me remind you that “to be”, I added to the definition of Introversion. While “to have”, I added to the definition of Extraversion.

In turn, in this update, I added:
— “to compete” to the definition of Perceiving, and
— “to care” to the definition of Judging.

So, the definitions of Judging and Perceiving now look as follows:

to care—process, act—planning and organization—
—JUDGING

to compete—action, movement—find and deal—
—PERCEIVING

In that case, the above-updated definitions of Judging and Perceiving I will put on the diagram of adaptive-defensive mechanisms.

The general diagram of the Mandala of Characters after the above changes will look as follows.

References: