About me

About me

My name is Jacek Błach.

I am Polish. 1968. Married. 3 children.

I am an enthusiast of personality psychology.

My life turned out so that I was doing many jobs in many places. That is, generally speaking:
— In my youth, I lived in a village, and I often worked in agriculture. Most often, I helped my farmer relatives.
— I graduated from a car technical school.
— Like almost every young man during the communist era in Poland, I was a conscript soldier.
— I worked in car body shop repairs for two years.
— I was a photographer for several years.
— I was a seller.
— I have worked a few years as an employee on production lines in several plants or factories.
— I worked a few years in a non-governmental organization.
— I was a Care Assistant or Support Worker for the elderly, learning difficulties, and disabled people for 10 years.
— Few years, I am a Cleaner. Now at the University of Liverpool. I started a cleaning job because I was burnout as a Carer, and I had a problem with my back. So, I needed to change work to recover.

Since 2004, I mainly work outside of Poland. It means I worked a year in Germany, a year in the Czech Republic, and next, I moved to the UK.

Where did my enthusiasm for personality typologies come from?

For a long time, I could not really understand it. However, a few years ago, I got a clue. I learned that my life story could be an example of a biography of a person with one of the personality disorders. That is, with a personality disorder known as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

Unfortunately, my type of BPD is described as—quiet. Simply put, you cannot see it on the outside. In the case of its silent version, all the emotional chaos associated with Borderline happens inside the psyche. This is why the quiet Borderline may be more difficult to discover than other types of BPD.

Moreover, I discovered my Borderline Personality Disorder at the of 53 when it began to weaken on its own. This personality disorder weakens after age 50 (or earlier if diagnosed and treated). However, discovering that I had a personality disorder made me very happy and helped me a lot. It also explained a lot to me. This includes where my passion for studying the phenomenon of personality or character comes from. Besides, it helped me understand why there were several periods in my life when I struggled with various mental problems.

I was influenced by many factors that I could talk about for a long time. I think the biggest factor was that I have struggled with many mental problems for many periods in my life.

What were these mental problems?

My first severe mental crisis came in the 1980s when I was in college. That was during my further education for young people 15 to 19 years old in Poland at that time. This crisis caused me to have severe learning problems. I had no problems with learning before, and it was my source of pride. However, something happened that made my studying more and more difficult. Eventually, it came to the point that I had to repeat the fourth grade, and I barely finished this college in general. It was hard to understand. Before, I was seen as a talented, promising and conscientious student. (Now, after a few decades of my life, I do not see myself as talented or gifted. While working as a carer, cleaner, and assembly line worker, I met plenty of gifted people with great potential. So, all in all, the concept of “gifted” seems to me to be something abstract).

Despite my problems in college, for quite a long time, I thought that my mental problems were not so big that I would need to seek the help of a specialist. I knew I had such problems, but I thought I could handle them on my own. Besides, in the 1980s and 1990s, it was a great shame to admit to having mental problems.

I thought that I had pretty good psychological knowledge because I have actually been interested in psychology since childhood. In my childhood, I had nightmares that somehow forced me to take an interest in my psyche. Besides, I have a wife who is very interested, among others, in psychology and esoteric. So we could be therapists for each other.

Also, like many people with mental problems, I was able to hide my problems from the world. I was often considered an emotionally balanced and calm person.

In 1998, however, I went to a specialist, although my goal was not to ask for help. I just needed a paid leave. At that time, there was high unemployment in Poland. It was hard to get a job, and the job was low paid. So many people looked for different ways to get some money, and they pushed away thoughts concerning dilemmas whether it was fair or not?

Then I took my neighbor's advice to see a psychologist. He said he managed to get time off in this way. I just have to imagine myself as a person with some mental problems, and maybe it will work, and I will get a paid leave.

So I went to a specialist. However, I decided to take a risk, and I will not imagine anything. I just tell the truth about my mental problems. I thought maybe these problems that I really had would be enough to get time off.

When I finished telling the psychologist my story, he said briefly:

— Oh, it is really something…

And I got two months off and a referral to therapy.

Generally speaking, I learned that I really have problems with mental problems. Besides, it turned out that I have several disorders at once, and my case probably requires long treatment. My problems are depression and anxiety disorder. And in my anxiety significant role plays post-traumatic stress disorder. However, to be sure what problems I have, I should be monitored longer. A year, or better, two years.

After two months, however, I did not continue the therapy. I also did not admit to anyone that I actually have some mental problems. Family and friends thought I only got two months of sick pay.

I also did not want to accept that something was wrong with me, and I tried not to think about it. On the one hand, it would be a great shame. On the other hand, men are supposed to be successful and earn money, and men should not have serious mental problems.

But my mental problems did not go away on their own. They made themselves felt from time to time until they became really hard to control.

In 2005 and 2006, I had long periods of depression that were the hardest I have ever had in my life. At that time, I was working abroad, I did not know the language well, and I was not looking for help. The mental pain was getting unbearable. I thought I would not survive it. And thoughts about the suicide appeared.

Luckily, something new for me also caught my attention during this time. Something that, over time, puts my thoughts in a new direction.

Thanks to my wife, I became interested in personality types theories. One day she asked me to read the description of the Enneagram types, and with a fresh eye help her dispel doubts about what is the best fit type for her? (These were articles by Wojciech Jóźwiak and Krzysztof Wirpsza Krzysztof Wirpsza posted in the portal—taraka.pl ).

Since then, personalities or characters have begun to absorb me more and more. After Enneagram, I studied Carl Gustav Jung’s “Psychological Types”, and Ancient Typology (among others created by Hippocrates, Aristotle, and Galen). And, during a hard depressive evening, the game-changing idea suddenly appeared in my head. This means the idea of combining the above three personality typologies in one. That is Enneagram, Jung’s “Psychological Types” and Ancient Typology. I called this combination – the Mandala of Characters.

With time, the Mandala of Characters attracted me with increasing force. Discovering the mysteries of the Mandala became more and more fascinating. Because the Mandala is so universal, many other personality theories can also be adapted to it.

When it comes to the way of analyzing personalities, I was particularly inspired by three authors, that is:
— The above mentioned Wojciech Jóźwiak and Krzysztof Wirpsza, who wrote many fascinating articles about Enneagram.
— And Steve Myers, whose works on Jung’s typology (and typologies based on Jung’s typology) are very profound and insightful. Besides, I contacted Steve Myers three times by email, and these contacts were also a great help and inspiration for me.

Creating the Mandala of Characters has actually become the main priority in my life. Nothing was more important to me. In a way, it can be said, I became crazy about it. The Mandala, for me, became a great life journey through the world of characters.

Actually, why did I become so crazy about the Mandala of Characters?

Well, in 2021, I came back to the topic, what is wrong with me? I got a few tests from the psychologist to complete. I tried to fill these tests as I felt 20 years ago. The psychologist said that most likely, I had Severe Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

So, I started exploring articles about disorders. During my study, my attention caught especially one disorder. That is, as mentioned above, Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Shortly speaking, it is emotional and interpersonal dysregulation. Or, in other words, oversensitivity to emotions and relationships.

The most striking for me is the division of Borderline Personality Disorder created by American psychologist Theodore Millon. Millon divided this disorder into four subtypes:
— Quiet (or discouraged)
— Impulsive (or externalized)
— Petulant (or histrionic)
— Self-destructive.

In this division, the subtype—Quiet (or discouraged) Borderline Personality Disorder (Quiet BPT)—is particularly close to me. This personality disorder is something between.
— Borderline Personality Disorder, and
— Dependent Personality Disorder. In short, it is an assertiveness disorder. So, often it is a fear of showing assertiveness (or anger in any form).

The above findings about a personality disorder were surprising and shocking. But I was also very happy and relieved. I finally know, what is wrong with me, or rather I finally know where to look for what is wrong with me. It is interesting that just knowing that many people out there have similar problems makes us feel much better.

I am very grateful to personality disorders researchers such as:
— the above-mentioned Theodore Millon,
— Otto F. Kernberg,
— John G. Gunderson,
— Marsha M. Linehan,
— and many others.

Now I know that my fundamental mental problem is a personality disorder. I also know why I became so crazy and fascinated by personalities or characters? Because my personality disorder is my main problem.

The topic of personality disorders is actually very complex, and I personally find it difficult to dig into the differences between particular disorders. However, in the last ICD, that is, ICD-11th Revision (International Classification of Diseases 11th Revision), the division into types of personality disorders was abandoned. Instead, there will be just one umbrella category - personality disorder.

Many professionals and patients are disappointed by this. But I think it is a move in the right direction. Personally, it was a big revelation to me that I just have some sort of personality disorder. Only after that did I begin digging into what specific personality disorder I might have?

However, in my case, where personality disorders are accompanied by other mental problems, namely, anxiety and mood disorders, the digging into which problem affects me more and which less can go on forever.

And in such a situation, there are most people with a personality disorder. This is because hardly anyone has just one personality disorder and nothing else. They are usually two or more overlapping personality disorders, which may be accompanied by anxiety, mood, obsessive-compulsive, dissociative, and other disorders.

I suspect that specialists will further use the old complicated personality disorder classifications. However, for me, using one general term – personality disorder – is a great convenience.

Admittedly, I will probably continue to dig into particular disorders because I am curious about the vast amount of knowledge accumulated on this topic. And I am also curious if I have another undiscovered personality disorder. However, I no longer have to identify so much with a particular disorder.

One might ask here, where did my personality problems come from?

Personality problems are often, so to speak, a side effect of traumas. And so it is in my case. I particularly identify with so-called – Complex PTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder).

Realizing that Complex-PTSD affects me helped me a lot,
- Pete Walker
His articles and books moved me deeply and inspired me.

I also think I have inherited traumas. Personally, I like two authors who write on this topic:
— Mark Wolynn
— Thomas Hübl

All in all, most likely, my set of overlapping mental problems looks like this:
— childhood nightmares
— Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and inherited traumas.
— Depression
— Personality Disorder.

Recently, I also learned from Monika Romanowska that underneath all the above, I may still have ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder. In order to somehow compensate for this disorder, we create a strategy for coping with it in our lives. And this coping strategy can be diagnosed as a personality disorder.

Probably, the Second World War contributed to the creation of the above set. That is, my parents’ childhood took place during the six years of this war in Poland (1939-1945). So, my mental problems can be inherited to a large extent, partly from my mother and partly from my father. So it turns out that the war in our psyche can last for two or three generations after the end of the war.

Also, most likely, my father had Personality Disorder. (According to the old division of personality – Borderline Personality Disorder. His subtype of this disorder was – impulsive or externalized). He was also an alcoholic. In sum, his disorders were a big problem for the whole family and, of course, for my father as well. After his fifty, however, his condition improved so much that he became an exemplary grandfather. He gave his grandchildren many wonderful memories.

It is all astonishing; in my childhood, I hated my father. Now, of course, from the perspective of his Now it turns out my dad did a great job anyway. Admittedly, because of him, I had many mental problems. Overall, however, these problems were smaller than the problems he had to face in his life.

I think that apart from my personality disorder, a significant impact on the creation of the Mandala of Characters had narcissism. Narcissism is also recognized as a personality disorder. But personally, I think it is something more profound. After many years as a care assistant or support worker and my other life experiences, it seems to me that narcissism is a kind of psychological tool or function. A tool that, so to speak, is used for offensive and defensive. Or, in other words, a tool for survival and expansion.

Thus, narcissism can perform essential functions. That is, it can give us success and defense against adversities.

So, I think narcissism is one of the main pillars of our psyche.

This belief of mine comes from, among other things, the fact that I have observed the ability to be narcissistic in people with dementia or people with severe mental disabilities.

Of course, narcissism can be healthy and unhealthy. Unhealthy narcissism is when it is used excessively when it becomes not a tool but a weapon. This can be the case, for example, when we lose our empathy for others and use narcissism as a very effective weapon to manipulate and exploit others.

Probably because narcissism can be a very effective weapon to get what we want, narcissistic disorders are so difficult to realize and treat.

Narcissistic abuse is a problem that is relatively little talked about. Unfortunately, however, probably all of us more or less were used, abused or suffered from narcissistic manipulation (mostly at home, work and school). In Poland, narcissism is very common, largely because of our difficult history. Being selfish or narcissistic many times has helped us struggle to meet our various needs in hard times. A narcissistic attitude is actually something so common to us that we consider it completely normal. (For example, in our country are popular phrases like “healthy narcissism” or “healthy egoism”). Each of us has had times in our lives where we were:
— either abused by someone with a narcissistic attitude,
— or we had a narcissistic attitude toward others,
— or both.

Unfortunately, narcissistic abuse is very toxic to our psyche. Both when we suffer from narcissistic abuse and when we cause it. This is mainly because narcissism or selfishness greatly limits our personality development. (For example, because narcissism can cause severe stress, trauma, mood disorders, personality disorders, etc.)

Personally, it was only recently that I realized what a great impact on my psyche was caused by people who used narcissistic abuse towards me. Also, I had periods when I had a narcissistic attitude towards others, and now I slowly analyze what problems I could cause in others.

In life, whether we like it or not, we spend a lot of time paying attention to narcissism, also when we are not aware of it. This means:
— either we analyze narcissistic people when we have problems with them
— or we think about how to use others for our own needs when we are narcissistic.

I think it is worth pointing out here that borderline can be healthy and unhealthy, too, like narcissism. We can also spend a lot of time analyzing people with borderline and have great difficulty understanding them. It is also interesting that narcissistic people in crisis situations can become borderline people. That is, they can be very unstable emotionally. And people with borderline, when they feel more confident, may have a narcissistic attitude.

We can probably risk saying that borderline, like narcissism, is also one of our psyche's main pillars (or states). Narcissism and borderline are our states in their extreme form. In healthy people, these states can be manifested by:
— assertiveness (that is, a kind of light form of narcissism), or
— high sensitivity (that is, a kind of light form of borderline).

Personally, I have also spent a lot of time analyzing narcissists and people with borderline. On the one hand, it was due to the stress and trauma that developed during living or cooperating with these people. On the other hand, however, this analysis of narcissism and borderline greatly contributed to the development of the Mandala of Characters. So, there is some benefit from narcissism and borderline here.

Interestingly, borderline and narcissism are considered by some researchers as two facets of the same coin. (E.g. Otto Kernberg, Sam Vaknin). In general, it can probably be said that borderline and narcissism are two fundamental personality disorders.

All in all, it turns out that I owe the Mandala of Characters mainly to my personality disorder, borderline and narcissism. And the Mandala itself is actually my therapy.

In the Mandala of Characters, so far, I mainly focus on different typologies of personality. In fact, it is interesting why studying personality typologies attracted me more than studying personality disorders. And why did I discover the world of personality disorders after many years of studying personality typologies?

When I thought about it, this answer came to my mind.

Psychology and psychiatry mostly focus on what is wrong with us and how to deal with it.

Personality typologies, on the other hand, usually show us what is right with us and how it can be used in our lives.

So, I think we need personality typologies. This can be especially useful in therapy. Thanks to this, we can get a balance between looking for:
— what is wrong with us (most of modern psychology and psychiatry), and
— what is right with us (personality typologies).

Overall, I believe that therapy is not enough to treat personality disorders and probably other mental problems. We still need to discover our personality.

When we discover our personality, we can move to the next stage. That is, we can look for a philosophy for life that suits us.

Our life philosophy can also be based on authentic philosophies that humanity has developed for thousands of years.

Personally, I am just at the beginning of discovering the right philosophy for myself. So far, Stoicism and Aristotle’s philosophy have been the most helpful for me.

I think I can also consider the Mandala of Characters as philosophy. After all, it is both a philosophy and a science because it contains scientific and philosophical theories.

Therefore, the Mandala of Characters is my number one scientific philosophy. This is the philosophy that helps me the most.

In my opinion, the Mandala of Characters is unique and fascinating. It contains the discoveries of many people who have devoted themselves to exploring the secrets of personalities.

Personally, I have the impression that I do not discover Mandala of Characters. Instead, I would say the Mandala let me discover herself. Or rather, the Mandala let me put herself together from various parts. The parts, which are the discoveries of many researchers and authorities in the personality field. So, I am fortunate that it happened to me. And now I am also lucky that I may admire the Mandala.

The above paragraph may seem sentimental, but the Mandala is also very magical for me.

Anyway, I am glad that I can participate in developing personality psychology. Admittedly, I do not know how many people will benefit from my thoughts and discoveries. But I have a little impact on it, and probably, it is better not to worry too much about it. At least for me, it is important that, luckily, I can be in it. This is really something.

The current stage of work on the Mandala of Characters I present on this website. So, thanks to this website, dear reader, you will be able to admire the magic of the Mandala with me.

Jacek BŁACH

My personality type is:
Mandala of Characters—Air,
Enneagram—type 9
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator®—ENFP
Besides, we can find other Air type equivalents and equivalents of other types on the Mandala of Characters’ home page.

This website is in two languages English and Polish.

I made the English version myself. English is not my native language, so my English translation needs further editing. But I hope it is good enough to show and share the Mandala of Characters. I apologize for any mistakes that need to be corrected.